When I first heard people talking about leadership, I remember thinking, Who cares? Leadership is for fancy, polished folks—not Megan-type people. I figured it was all about power suits, motivational speeches, and handshakes I’d never perfect. Fast forward a few years, and here I am, living in a world screaming for good leaders—and suddenly, I get it. I value good leadership. Being led by someone who actually knows what they’re doing? Game-changer. It’s like going from driving a wobbly shopping cart to cruising in a Tesla.
But here’s the plot twist: sometimes, you look around for the leader, and guess what? It’s YOU. Surprise! That’s a wild moment—like, Wait… y’all are looking at me? For guidance? Are we sure about this? I’m over here waiting for someone else to roll in with a clipboard and a plan, and instead, I’m the one everyone’s expecting to have answers. Talk about imposter syndrome on steroids! 😂
When I think about leadership, it’s easy to picture someone confidently guiding a team or inspiring a crowd. But let’s get real—leadership doesn’t start on a stage or in a boardroom. It starts in the quiet, messy, and often uncomfortable space of leading the hardest person you’ll ever lead: yourself. Yup. I said it. That beast known as “self” – that’s the wild one who we need to learn to lead first.
Romans 15:1-6 paints a beautiful picture of leadership. It’s about bearing with others’ weaknesses, building them up, and walking in unity. But how can we pour into others if we’re running on empty or living in chaos ourselves? Servant leadership sounds incredible in theory, but until we learn to lead ourselves, serving others becomes far harder than it needs to be.
How do I know this? Because I have failed. I have failed so much and so hard. I have failed at things I could have never imagined I would fail at. If I’m being perfectly honest, it still hurts to even say that. Why? Because it’s so true and so raw. I. have. failed. But God, He never fails.
I’ve learned so much about myself and the world around me. I’ve learned about persistence, priorities, structure, the power of incremental progress, resilience, and trust. I’ve learned all about the seasons of being stretched to increase my capacity. I’ve learned how uncomfortable it feels to level up.
You know what my biggest success in life has been so far? I have never given up. Does that mean I never quit something? Heck no. I’ve quit lots of things. One thing I quit doing was trying to be perfect. I’m just not. That’s bible dude. I’ve failed but I’ve learned. The failure prompted a response and a result. I’ll share a few:
Failure: I failed to have faith in what God tells me is true. Result: I had to read the bible first, I had to wake up first, I had to pray first. My faith grew as I had faith for others. I let God use me and it changed me. Response: I committed myself to leading others in bible studies and in prayer knowing that this would force me to read and pray – going to war against the habit of procrastination.
Failure: I failed to have grace with myself and others. Response: I committed myself to God’s people – my husband, my children, my church – going to war against the flight response I had acquired. Result: I was forced to love God’s people because none of us were going anywhere. I couldn’t just ghost people even though that’s what my flesh wanted. So, I had to stay and learn to live in grace. God’s grace is sufficient for me and for me to have grace with others too.
Failure: I failed to overcome my past. Response: I committed to be vulnerable with God and with people – going to war with the walls I had built up around my heart. Result: I was forced to be honest with myself. To look at my scars and make peace with them knowing that every single one is an intentional piece in the purpose God was leading me to.
Failure: I failed to love my family. Response: I committed myself to learn how to love – going to war with being a hypocrite. Result: I’ve learned self-regulation, patience, adaptability, humility, and balance. Most of all I learned how unconditional God’s love is for me.
Failure: I failed at succeeding in leadership and on a team. Response: I committed myself to excellence – going to war with every habit of laziness and independence. Result: I learned how to strategize, plan, be accountable, focus. I learned self-awareness, empathy and effective communication. I learned the value of teams, vision, collaboration and follow-through.
I’ve learned to lead by example – that means I had to lead me first. I’ve aligned my thoughts with my message. I’ve aligned my life with my message. I’ve aligned my future with my message. My past and all the demons that had hitchhiked upon each failure, prior to my encounter with my savior, no longer rule me. I have been unchained from everything holding me back and I press on.
I’ve learned to lead by example – that means I had to lead me first.
Each of these areas come with a slew of memories that make my skin crawl. These were some of the most embarrassing and defeating times in my life. However, being in the fire is what refines. This journey has been the hardest path I’ve walked but I wouldn’t change any part of it.
Each scar has a purpose. My God is intentional, He is always with me guiding me out of the dark places, He never left me, always encouraged me and has completely and radically changed the entire trajectory of my life. I’m a soldier for Him and I will never give up because Jesus came here and set me free, and I know He wants to do it for you too!
Self-Leadership is the Foundation for All Leadership
Let’s be real—learning to lead yourself is no walk in the park. It’s more like climbing a mountain barefoot. Giving advice to others? Easy. Holding yourself accountable? Brutal. James 3:2 puts it plainly: “If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” Bridling your tongue is like trying to tame a wild horse—it’s exhausting, but it’s also the gateway to true leadership.
Self-leadership means taking a hard look in the mirror, owning your choices, and deciding to grow—day by day. It’s mentoring yourself like you would someone you care about: calling yourself out when you need it, offering grace when you fall short, and staying committed to the process.
I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t lead others—whether it’s my kids, my team, or my ministry—if I’m not first leading myself. Self-leadership is about managing my emotions, aligning my actions with God’s plan, and living authentically. Without it, my leadership turns shaky, and both me and the people I’m leading end up frustrated. It’s a humbling but powerful truth: leading others starts with leading yourself well.
What Does It Look Like to Mentor Yourself?
Mentoring yourself means being both your biggest cheerleader and your toughest critic. It’s about nurturing growth while staying grounded in truth.
- Being Honest with Yourself
Take time to reflect: Where am I falling short? What’s holding me back? I remember working in a preschool where we taught kids about self-regulation—a skill that helps them manage their emotions and actions. At the time, I didn’t realize how much adults need this too. Looking back now, I see how vital self-regulation is for leadership and life. Leading myself requires a hard look in the mirror. It’s about identifying my strengths and weaknesses, owning my mistakes, and embracing opportunities for growth. Pretending to have it all together doesn’t serve me or those I’m leading. Initially however, it was harder for me to point out my strengths and nearly impossible for me to see how God could ever really use me. Identifying my strengths though is part of being honest. If I only see my failures, I’m being deceived. - Encouraging Yourself
This is so hard. Leadership can be lonely, and life is tough. I believe we develop a habit at some point in life where we like to beat ourselves up and ultimately get stuck is a never-ending loop of garbage self-talk that does nothing but waste our time. Speak life over yourself. Remind yourself of God’s promises. Romans 15 tells us that endurance and encouragement come from Him. Lean on that truth when the journey gets hard. Learn to pick yourself back up and keep moving forward. Be determined to not allow failure to stop you. You have the power to decide to live for God understanding that we are on the winning team. Now, walk like a Christian will ya!? - Taking Care of Yourself
Let’s rethink self-discipline. It’s not just about grit or grind. It’s about saying “no” to things that drain you and “yes” to things that nourish you. Sometimes it’s pushing through discomfort to get things done; other times, it’s knowing when to rest and recharge. I’ve learned that leading myself doesn’t mean working endlessly or always having the answers. It means knowing when to rest, saying no when necessary, and taking care of my mind, body, and spirit. Discipline isn’t about rigidity—it’s about creating habits that nourish and grow me into the person God has called me to be. This is something I am still learning to master but I’ve realized that being a martyr for every cause will absolutely kill me and I will not have lived out my purpose in this life. There are times to “go” and there are times to “stand”. I must be cognizant of the changing of the seasons.
The Connection Between Self, Family, and Leadership
Here’s the thing: self-leadership isn’t just about you. It spills into everything—your family, your ministry, your career. I vividly remember a moment in motherhood when I realized that raising my kids wasn’t about rules or routines; it was about mentoring them, shaping them, and leading by example.
But how could I lead them well if I didn’t know how to lead myself? It hit me—how I parent, how I mentor others, and how I care for myself are all interconnected. These aren’t separate categories; they’re all part of the same mission: leading myself so I can lead others well. I can read every parenting book on the planet, and still not parent well. Because it’s about leading myself first. Learning to lead myself means holding myself accountable to my goals, commitments, and values. It’s about staying consistent, even when no one is watching. I must remain committed to God and be a good steward of everything placed in my care because that’s what God has asked me to do: be fruitful in my endeavors and multiply what I’m given. No one else will do it for me. God has already done His part – it’s time to do mine. As I put into practice leading myself first, everyone assigned to me will have an example to follow.
Redefining Self-Discipline
When I hear “self-discipline,” it always felt like a rigid, impossible standard. But self-discipline is about freedom. It’s creating habits that align with who God has called you to be. It’s knowing when to hustle and when to rest. It’s understanding what drives you, what distracts you, and how you can grow. Learning your habits, your tendencies, what makes you tic. Learning your triggers, how you learn, why you feel a certain way in a certain situation. And bringing every single discovery to the feet of Jesus so His Spirit can get to work renovating your fun house and rebuilding the faulty foundations of the world. This is how we fight our battles, on our knees before the King of Kings surrendering the foolishness of the world and gaining the wisdom of the Kingdom.
Self-discipline isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being intentional.
Practical Steps to Lead Yourself Well
Each of these steps are the building blocks of my success in self-leadership. I’ll share with you the words that play in my head in each of these steps. Many strong women and men of faith in my life including my parents have guided me to the loving arms of Jesus. God has placed a community of freedom fighters in my life to shine truth into my once very twisted heart. I am so grateful to them and their relentless pursuit of the Kingdom.
If you’re ready to step into self-leadership, here are a few ways to start:
- Pause Before You React “Meg – Practice the pause”
Bridling your tongue is about more than just words—it’s about managing your emotions. Take a moment to breathe and respond thoughtfully. Self-regulation is a game-changer. I’ve discovered the value of self-regulation—the ability to pause, process, and respond rather than react. This has been crucial in both my personal and professional life. It’s a skill that changes how I navigate challenges and helps me stay grounded in difficult situations.
- Set Boundaries “Meg – It’s all about balance – your time is important”
Know your limits and honor them. Saying “no” to the wrong things creates space to say “yes” to the right ones.
- Build Discipline with Grace “Precept upon precept Meg, you can’t rush these things”
Growth takes time. Give yourself the grace to stumble and the encouragement to keep going. - Anchor Yourself in God’s Word “Meg, what does the word say?”
Romans 15:5-6 reminds us to seek endurance and encouragement from God. Let Him guide you as you learn to lead yourself.
Leadership is Discipleship
At its core, leadership is discipleship—leading others as Christ leads us. But we can’t disciple others well until we’ve learned to disciple ourselves. Whether you’re mentoring your children, guiding a team, or serving in ministry, self-leadership is the foundation for it all.
I believe that God was intentional in placing this on my heart to share today. I’m committing myself to sharing what I’ve learned about leading myself. Because it’s not about me, it is about allowing God to use me, and He is creating a ripple effect—empowering others to step into their God-given roles with confidence, authenticity, and grace. Leadership starts within, but its impact reaches far beyond us.
Start today. Look inward. Be honest. Be kind. Push yourself. Care for yourself. Lead yourself. Because when you do, you’ll discover that leading others flows naturally from the work God is doing in you.
The journey begins with you. Are you ready?
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